“During pregnancy, we are stripping away the maiden and stepping into the role of mother. It can throw the ego into a frenzy causing us to question our self identity. Pregnancy, for the woman, is her initiation into motherhood.”
You have no idea how rare this is!! Or..maybe you do. One child is at school and the other two are napping!! At the same time. Never happens, not ever. I am hoping I have a good twenty minutes or so to fill you in on my weekend because it was beautiful.
I took my two daughters on a plane ride back east for a memorial service for my Gram and to also do a live read of, When Harry Met Sally, for the Media Film Festival. A dear friend of mine is on the board for the festival and asked if I would be able to do the read. I don’t think I have been this excited about a creative project in a very long time.
The read was directed by another close friend of mine, the cast consisted of my university’s alumnae, as well as, two University Theatre students. It couldn’t have gone better, in my opinion.
Traveling back east, this trip, felt like traveling back in time. I was surrounded with old friends, former professors and held a Q and A with the theatre students in the exact theatre in which I used to take classes, sitting on the exact stage on which I first performed. Magic.
It took me back to a time of uncertainty, excitement and youth. I could see my younger self sitting in those same seats, asking those same questions and if only I could have offered her some answers.
I would have told her not to worry so much about how her life would turn out because it would unfold in ways she could never plan. I would have told her that some of the paths she would take would lead to unexpected heartbreak and others would lead to a life more abundant that she dreamed possible. I would have told her that she was loved more than she knew and that God would guide her in the times she felt lost. I would have told her that it would be in the lost times that she would find herself, to be proud of her courage and not be so hard on herself.
On Sunday, we had our beloved Gram’s memorial service. Her wishes were to be cremated and planted under a weeping willow tree and I’ll be damned if we didn’t make that happen. In all fairness, my cousin Angel made that happen. She through a beautiful ceremony with Celine Dion, Pavarotti and John Denver playing in the background as we each took turns placing the dirt atop her scattered ashes. She will grow as the tree grows and be forever with us. Magic.
Again, I felt like I was going back in time as we shared memories through old photographs, albums and stories. Seeing family, whom I always think of, but rarely get the chance to see connects me so deeply to my past that it is difficult to grasp where all the years have gone. This weekend allowed me to relive my past and appreciate each and every step that I have chosen because they have brought me to where I am today and where I am today is where I was born to be. Magic.
I was able to step outside of myself and see myself as a woman, as a sister, as a cousin, as an aunt, as a daughter, as a granddaughter, as a mother, as a wife and as me. I was able to do something for myself with the reading, but I rehearsed while nursing and helping my daughter with her homework and I performed after pumping in the bathroom stall. I was able to be a friend but unable to hang out as I once would have before children. I was able to be with my family not as a child but as having children of my own and I was able to do all of this with the support of my husband who sends me out in the world to create and to love and to come back to him an even better wife because of all of these things. Because of all of you. So things have drastically changed throughout the years. It is no longer me, it is us. I am no longer a child but a woman. I am no longer single but married. I am no longer a maiden but a mother. It is no longer about me it is about you.
My heart is full of gratitude for my very best friends, for my family and for my life. Thank you for traveling this ever windy road with me all of these years.
The best is yet to come.