How To Master The Messy Mom Bun For The Beauty-Challenged
I’m just gonna say it. I have serious messy bun deficiency. And it’s not for a lack of trying. I’ve tried and I’ve tried so many times, so many ways. And yet, I still end up looking like Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda. HELP!
As a lazy girl with tomboy tendencies, I know that my “beauty skills” fall way farther down the scale than, say, your “typical” girl. But I can’t be the only one struggling with a messy bun out there if this meme exists.
So, I’ve compiled a list of supposedly dummy-proof messy bun hair tutorials for anyone who is as messy bun challenged as I am but still isn’t ready to throw in the towel yet because a hair straightener? In the immortal words of Sweet Brown, I don’t, in fact, got time for that.
Okay, this one is telling me that I have to “make” my hair dirty? HA! WAY AHEAD OF YOU THERE. But then I’m supposed to pull it up straight like a “Lucky Troll Doll”? Has anyone in the history of the world ever called it a “Lucky” Troll Doll? Isn’t it just a Troll Doll? Is there a specific kind of Troll Doll that is luckier than the rest? Maybe THAT’S why they get the great messy buns on the first go. It’s not skill, ladies, IT’S ALL LUCK.
Okay, back to business. I think I see what I’ve been doing wrong here. This has you basically just pile your Lucky Troll Doll hair on top of your head and pin it in place with bobby pins. Usually, I start my messy bun from a ponytailed position, since I don’t have the luxury of standing completely still like a mannequin all day like this person or any other person on earth who can just fasten their hair in position with a few bobby pins can.
Maybe it’s just me.
WHAT. THE. FLYING. FFFFFF?
That’s not a messy bun. That’s some goddamn wedding hair, right there. Seriously, who made this tutorial? We need to have a talk, Makeupwearables. I’m pretty sure I gestated a child in a shorter amount of time than it would take me to do this.
Is step 1 of this messy bun REALLY telling me to curl my hair to create loose waves first?
Okay, this one I can get on board with. But it looks like I need a donut?
Look, I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m not good at this stuff.
Apparently this girl is such a pro at the messy bun, she had time to package it into a bow like it’s a freakin’ birthday present. Proof that you can get away with just about anything when you’re gorgeous.
This one is promising. Two hair bands and a few bobby pins. It’s not a top knot style, but it’s a good style for the office so I think I can work with it. (Famous last words.)
This one looks simple enough from the outset and only requires an additional sock. But every time I’ve tried the sock bun, I get this incredibly large ballerina bun on the top of my head that looks more like I have another head on top of my head than anything. And trust me, I know I’m probably not doing it right, but that’s kind of the point.
This one is the most realistic. Pull hair, wrap it, secure it with an elastic band, reinforce with some pins, tug, pull, voila! … Except, to state the obvious, that’s basically what I do during all of my failed attempts.
I did keep trying, though, and eventually I got a suitable messy bun.
The extra fly-aways really help sell the “messy” part, if you ask me.
It’s a work in progress, guy. Let me know your tips and tricks for mastering the messy bun. Or any super-quick hairstyle, for that matter. When you’re a working mom, the hair struggle is most definitely real.